Football Mourns Loss

If you followed the World Cup as intently as I did, you may remember Paul, the psychic octopus. He had a gift that not even the worlds' best soccer analyst's could compete with. Paul perfectly predicted the outcomes of all seven of Germany's games and the World Cup Final where Spain defeated Netherlands 2-1. You might be tempted to ask, why didn't Paul predict other games? That is a question that only God now knows (And we all know that the "enlightened" one won't reveal his eternal enigmas ever). Yesterday evening Paul was entangled in death's unavoidable tentacles and won't live to finish his esteemed tell all book on how he had unlocked the secret of life. He is said to have died peacefully while dreaming of World Cup 2014. 

Paul's guilt from picking Spain over Germany may have lead to his death

Those who knew Paul were amazed at how seemingly easy it was for him to predict the outcomes of the world's most important soccer matches. Paul's owner would prompt his psychic ability by placing two mollusks in separate feeding boxes, each labeled with the opponent's corresponding flags, whichever Paul ate from would emerge victorious! Always! Well, at least eight times. Paul's picking prowess turned him into a superstar overnight. But he never let his fame clout his judgment. He was a phenomenon that the world may never see again. Paul will be buried at The Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany, the site of  all his historic prophesies. Stefan Porwoll, manager of the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany that housed Paul, had these kind words to say about Paul:

"We are consoled by the knowledge that he enjoyed a good life here and that the care provided him by our dedicated displays team could not have been bettered. His success made him almost a bigger story than the World Cup itself. We may decide to give Paul his own small burial plot within our grounds and erect a modest permanent shrine. While this may seem a curious thing to do for a sea creature, Paul achieved such popularity during his short life that it may be deemed the most appropriate course of action."

This is a terribly sad day in the world of football. I ask you all to give a moment of silence to honor and remember Paul at some point today. Peace out Pauly the Oracle Octopus. May god rest your soul.